What? Don’t hate. I’m not tryin’ to get my education on when I’m working wasting time at work. I want the funny and I want it in the smallest most compact packaging, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, here’s www.latfh.com (look at this fucking hipster… gah. keep up!)

“Oooo! Oooo! Mommy, can we keep it?! Look how cute and androgynous it is!”

“Yeah, I know this seat is reserved for disabled people. Look at me. This should count.”

“My goal was to make a bicycle that would somehow be more impractical to ride than a unicycle. I think I succeeded? I’m not sure. What does success feel like? Does it feel like being drunk and high and also riding a ridiculous polygon stilt-bike? Because, if that’s the case, I’ve been feeling really successful lately.”

I <3 this website.

http://current.com/users/Sarah_Haskins.htm

Though, I guess to be fair, maybe showing douche bag losers who try this kind of shit what’s-what is what is RIGHT with America.

Yay for carjacking!

I am not enough of a nerd to know if this is possible (fill me in?), but either way, neat!

(this is just a screenshot, to view the video, click here)

Yea… You read that correctly.

Wanna meet her? Here’s a picture of her… And her right nipple seems to be attempting to leap into the pot.

I suppose it could be said, “At least she wears an apron!” But really, folks. I can’t imagine

a) doing this for a living, or

b) paying someone to come do this in my home.

From her website:

My purpose is to spread love and joy among human kind.

Many satisfied clients/students agree that eating delicious food
made with or by me,
infused with love is
fun and healthy!

I’m sorry, I know you’re a chef, lady… I get it. But is it necessary to use the word SPREAD? [heebie jeebies]

You can find several of her cooking show episodes here, though you’ll have to click around a bit.

A couple of funny questions from her FAQ:

Q: Do I ever have sex with my clients?

A: No.

Haha. Awesome. Good to know. When I mentioned to this to my roommate, said said, “Why doesn’t she just leave all the cooking and shit at home and just give out blow jobs? She’d be done a lot faster.”

Q: Do I ever let clients touch or lick me?

A: Touching is OK with the right attitude; respectful, kind and gentle. No licking, ever.

So, what if I’m all, “You know what I’ve got? The right attitude! Now can my friend here stick his corn on the cob in you vag now?” If I instruct him to be kind and gentle and respectful, is that okay?

Q: Why did I let Howard Stern and Co. throw cupcakes at my naked body?

A: I had a choice… either cook something in the nude for them.. which I was not prepared to do (I was told that there would be no cooking and then when I show up they had a make shift hot plate and some dubious ingredients there. I would have been glad to make something for Howard had I been prepared. Usually I shop for organic food, make something delicious and use an apron for safety… ) the alternative in this case; have cupcakes thrown at me. I chose the later as it seemed the less consequential of the two.(Little did I know they were totally stale, hard as a rock and heavy. I didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did.) Had I made something for Howard, he potentially would have dissed my creation. Rather than have that happen, I chose “The Cupcake Incident.”

Dude. Are you fucking kidding me?! Please, tell me you’re kidding me! I am really disappointed in myself for not being able to find the video for this clip, but hopefully, one of you out there will find it. I have to see this dumb fucking cunt get pelted with cupcakes. I cannot believe that shit.

Who in their right mind, outside of a porn star or a rock star, would go on Howard Stern? You’ve got to know he’s got something planned where he’s either going to make you look stupid, do something stupid, or do something stupid to you. That doesn’t stop me from loving the guy, but one of this chick’s friends or family should have stepped in and been like, “Bunny Bumms, I know you want to do this, but really… You should not.”

Really, I’m all for embracing the female form and getting comfortable with soft bellies and thick thighs. I am. Truly.

But if you’re going to be cooking for me, you better be wearing some fucking clothes! DAMN.

Basically, the author and readers dig through Flickr, hunting down pictures from other people’s parties and these people get made fun of.

LOVE IT!

Anyway, here’s a few of my favorites, so far:

Look, everyone knows guys are idiots and have no abilities to read other people. Sometimes you really have to just fucking spoonfeed them information like the babies they are. It's nice to see a girl read the score and stop pussyfooting around and just spell it out for them. That's why I have a tattoo on my lower back that reads "yeah, I'm down for whatever." Right below a portrait tattoo of my dead father that says "I told you so".

You know when you try on like 20 different outfits, but you can't decide what to wear? And at some point, you lose perspective and start trying on old high school clothes from the back of your closet, or adding accessories that aren't even really meant to be worn that way, like using a scarf as a belt? I understand the dilemma she was going through before she left the house, but I'm not convinced that this outfit was the best of all possible options.

I am just loving this last one. I mean, what kind of party was this? Clearly, a party where men hang out in their socks and underwear (I’m not going to crack on the cute boy panties. If girls can have lingerie that makes them feel sexy, so should boys) — but jeez. How do you not realize your penis is like HANGING OUT? No, no. Scratch that — it’s clear he KNEW it was hanging out. I get it, but WHY?! And the baby-fag in the middle is cracking.me.the.fuck.up. Thoughts going through his head: “If I were a sexy flamingo, how would I stand? FABULOUS!”

www.sorryimissedyourparty.com

I found this on http://loopable.wordpress.com and wish I made it myself. I must’ve watched this for about 10 minutes last night when I was trying to get tired for bed. Fucking genius.

That being said, if Diddy and Bjork did a song together, I would buy that shit in a heartbeat (mostly because I love Bjork. I mean, Diddy is cool, I guess, by association because of Biggie Smalls. Eh, whatever.)

Here’s one that I made after my last breakup:

Classic.

The good news? A lot of them are funny…

The bad news? I might be fucking neurotic, too. Oh shit.

I can't open Pillsbury Pop 'n Fresh crescent rolls without holding it at arms length and turning my head squinting my eyes. With all that preparation, I still jump when it pops.

www.iamneurotic.com

]]> http://jamisays.wordpress.com/2009/05/30/hello-world/feed/ 0 datewrecks Pop!